No Regrets
by SleevedWhiteSnow
Summary: He realizes, as if he were being swallowed alive, that she had planned to die by his side all along. "Rukia... you have no regrets?" Despite the metallic liquid spuming in her throat she somehow manages to smile. "None."


**AN: A re-upload from my other account which I no longer use. Sorry to those of you who've reviewed and favorited this story before.**

 **Enjoy :)**

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No Regrets

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Rukia's hand flinches closer, merely a fingerbreadth, towards him.

 _"Are you afraid?"_

Her words ring clearly through his mind, reverberating over and over again in harmonization with his heartbeat. He can't equate them to a satisfactory answer but as the depths of her fading eyes bore into his, and with every weak beat in his chest, he is resigned to the truth.

 _No,_ he so desperately wants to say, _I'm not afraid of death._ It's true. And it's false. If it was in fortuity rather, that the wheel had spun, then perhaps those words would still be sincere. But with her body lying next to his, shredded and marled in that same deep crimson blood, he's scared as hell. He hadn't bargained for _this._

 _"Are you afraid?"_

Her voice is beautiful, whole – almost foreign. A resonance locked far away in the inner districts of his memory, although she'd spoken those words only days ago. And suddenly he's back on that rooftop. He's back in the pending calm before the storm, back before the resolve in his eyes was replaced with horror and hopeless anguish, palms folded under his head and the warmth of Rukia's spiritual pressure emanating across to him as she sits by his side.

 _"No," he answers. "I'm not afraid of dying."_

 _She can tell he didn't even consider the question._ _She keeps her gaze on the stars above them, dangling her legs off the edge of the roof. From the corner of her vision, she sees Ichigo open his eyes to look at her._

 _He watches her for a few moments, his expression morphing into a frown. It isn't her placid tone that fazes him, nor that same feigned peacefulness on her face. It is the contrary truth in her eyes – the truth she is so desperately trying to conceal._

 _"Are_ you?" _he asks, not in search for an answer, but more a reaction. (He knows her as well as his own zanpakuto after all.)_

 _She meets his gaze and a moment of silence passes between them. In the stillness he catches her response, before her eyes wander back toward the sky. He mimics her, taking in the brilliant array of stars. They're so distant, so… amicable, and for a moment he forgets about the battle, the bloodshed and the inescapable darkness ahead._

 _"I just can't help thinking…" Rukia says after a long while, breaking his thoughts. "What if we lose this time?"_

 _"We won't."_

 _It's what she'd expected him to say, he knows, but that isn't what's bothering her. He sits up slowly, drawing a knee to his chest, determined to quench the worry in her eyes._

 _"I guess I've always known that when I die I'll go down fighting, whether its decades from now, or tomorrow… Because I_ will _keep fighting. For you, for my family, for Chad and Orihime… I'll keep fighting for everyone. I don't want to die in battle because then I won't be able to protect them anymore. But even if this is my last fight, it doesn't mean I lose._ _Because thanks to you, Rukia, I've already_ won. _You gave me the power to protect all these people, and that's why. As long as I have that reason, I can't lose... and I'm not scared of dying."_

 _Rukia searches his face, a shadow of her usual determination shining through. Mingled with the fear in her eyes, there is a small glint of solace; just a pale, ghostly reflection of relief. But it's there._

 _"No regrets?" Her voice is soft, hopeful, and so much so that it would have escalated his resolve if he'd held any feelings of uncertainty._

 _There's not a scrap of doubt in his reply, though._

Dying isn't losing. If you have the opportunity to go down protecting someone, you don't even stop for a moment to consider something so petty as your own life. Ichigo's been especially blessed, having protected more people than he could ever have imagined, and he'd accepted its price open arms without hesitation.

 _No regrets._

This is why she'd asked him that question, he realizes, trudging back through the plight of his memory. Because she knew, undeniably, that he would need the consolation. That he would so desperately need the reassurance when she was lying next to him with her body equally torn apart, leaking blood everywhere. She was always so insightful when it came to him.

And suddenly time is moving again. The rain is bitter, frigid against his skin. The air is cold at the open gashes in his sides. He gazes up at the darkening sky, blinking against its tears, and blinking away his own.

Today is the day he is dying, and _Rukia_ is dying with him.

She hadn't even given him the chance to save her, to plead for her life. Because when it came to him, Ichigo dreadfully knew that she felt exactly the same. When it came to his life, she wasn't known for her rational self – there was no damn way in hell she'd ever let him die alone.

And that resolve that left her like this is what scares him, more than the darkest, most eminent manifestation of fear itself.

He watches her swallow and struggle to breathe. Crimson bubbles through her parted lips and trails down her cheek in lighter streaks of red, bleached by the weeping sky. It breaks him.

She holds his gaze, wordlessly, painting the ground between them with her blood-drenched hand until he feels the icy touch of her skin against his own. She laces their fingers together, but he barely feels the comfort she offers through her numb grasp. He grips her hand back tightly to the point where he can feel her pulse, brows drawn together as he holds her weakening gaze. He now sees things that had previously been foreign to him.

Although she so gallantly tries to hide it, Rukia is frightened and tense. And she isn't in his arms.

Normally at such thought his mind would be racing, as if in the rare steal of an affectionate moment. Now, his head feels numb and his thoughts hold yearning and regret. He rues that he had never acted on it. That time on his roof would have been perfect.

 _"Regrets?" Ichigo scoffs at the word, brows lifted in mock surprise before his expression softens. "None."_

 _He says it firmly, with finality – there can be no mistake or incertitude to his meaning. She stares into his burning eyes with awe for a moment. She understands._

 _He tucks his hands behind his head again, laying back down against the cold tiles beneath him._

 _Rukia is thoughtful for a while. He closes his eyes as she thinks, enjoying the tranquil silence, the gentle breeze against his skin, and the quintessence of pure light flowing into him, radiating abundantly from her spiritual pressure._

 _"Then promise me something."_

 _"Hm?"_

 _"Remember this."_

 _Her voice is lower, deeper, and closer – mere inches away – and his heart flutters for an instant when he realizes she is lying next to him._

 _"When it happens, when the time comes… remember tonight. Promise me that you'll remember. Then… and after." Her voice cracks, so uncharacteristically, and it surprises him when she puts extra emphasis on the last word. "Don't ever forget."_

 _He laughs away the anxiety that had crossed him at the initial thought of what her request would be. Of course she would never ask him so earnestly to make a promise he couldn't keep. She would never make him pledge to something ridiculous like refraining from being reckless, nor something so childish as to promise to stay alive during a war. She knows him too well._

 _His head lolls to the side and their eyes lock. "Okay… I promise."_

 _And as if to prove just how well she knows him, she speaks again, this time with a softer expression. "And I know it's hopeless asking, but try not to get yourself killed, okay?"_

 _"You know I never do," he smirks, receiving a thump on the chest._

 _A smile tugs at the corners of her lips._

"Rukia…"

His voice is now ghostly silent. He can almost taste the flavor of her name and it is the purest, most satisfying thing he has ever relished in. He wishes so badly that he could hug her, kiss her, at least _hold_ her – that he could rake up every emotion he has ever felt for her and relinquish it all in one swoon of the breath-taking moment he'd subconsciously dreamed of for years. The moment fate had so brutally purloined from his grasp.

All he can do for her now is hold fast to their promise. And as his mind runs back to that memory one last time, with death merely heartbeats away, it dawns on him. He realizes, with the same sensation as if he were being swallowed alive, that she'd known her last moments would be spent fighting alongside him - that she had _planned_ to die by his side all along.

He remembers that night so clearly now.

And he will remember it so clearly after.

After his lungs breathe out their last wisp of air, and he re-awakens to begin his second life in Soul Society. After she disappears from this world forever to the join the flowing reishi of departed souls.

He will remember that she had died giving up everything for his sake.

"Rukia…" Her name passes as a rasp through his parted lips, a little louder this time. "You have… no regrets?"

Her half-lidded eyes soften and tears well in their corners as he confirms his understanding. Through his blurring vision, he notices she is no longer afraid. The fear, the worry, the torment – every quelling emotion of hers that had crushed his heavy heart – is gone. Her eyes are serene.

And despite the metallic liquid spuming in her throat, she somehow manages to smile. "None."

Ichigo's chest hammers and he squeezes her hand tighter, tilting his head to smear a kiss across her cold fingers.

She watches him fondly for a moment, then takes a final, tattered breath, her eyes never leaving his own. And her chest stills.

Rain trickles down her cheeks and red flecks the ground around her. Her zanpakuto glimmers in the moonlight, droplets making soft clangs against its blade as the sky continues to weep. Her face is peaceful.

Ichigo spends his last moments gazing at her, admiring the woman who had given him everything.

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Renji finds him a few hours later under early traces of dawn. He stops at the sight of his fallen comrades and Ichigo looks up in his new, semi-transparent form, chains of watery substance running down his silver cheeks. He is curled around Rukia as if shielding her from the world, his own body abandoned next to them.

He leans back over her, pressing his cheek to hers. His silvery tear doesn't wet her face, and neither does he feel the icy touch of her pale skin.

Renji waits silently, his vision swimming, as Ichigo leans forward to say his last goodbye. He brushes his lips over Rukia's forehead, and stands slowly, ignoring his own corpse as he turns to the red-haired shinigami.

They exchange heavy farewells and condolences, and Ichigo turns to look at Rukia one last time before readying himself to pass on.

 _"Promise me that you'll remember. Then. And after… Don't ever forget."_

He won't. No matter what happens to his memory when he wakes up, he'll never forget the woman who gave him his powers, who gave him her life, who fought with him through it all, and died without a single regret.

And though he now has many regrets, there's no longer any fear. Because his reason lives on. Her life is his now, her will is engraved in his spirit. He has another chance to continue the work they began together – to continue the life she'd entrusted to him. She'll never truly be gone.

 _"I'm not afraid."_

Before Zabimaru's hilt grazes his forehead and a blackness so heavy and yet concurrently weightless consumes him, he sees Rukia in his mind again. Her glistening raven hair, her soft-spoken and eminently beautiful laugh, and those purple eyes that always seemed to dance despite the heartaches and losses of a past littered with anguish.

 _"Because as long as I have that reason, I'm not afraid of death."_

Ichigo gives a faint smile and sends her one last silent thank you, closing his eyes for the konso.

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 **Ichigo and Rukia have a bond unlike any other relationship I've ever come across in fiction, romantic considerations aside. They have true friendship, something past best friends and also past being a couple - it's deeper. I wanted to write something that portrayed the depth of it somewhat, and ironically ended up writing this on Easter weekend. The story was inspired by what Jesus did for me, how He truly gave everything for us. What Rukia did for Ichigo: sharing her powers with him, being his ray of light, facing execution for his sake, reminds me of that - she literally gave him everything, and is an awesome example in fiction of what ultimate love and sacrifice is. That's why she's one of my most favorite characters.**

 **Whether you guys are Christian or not, this verse about love is truly amazing and I just want to share it with you:**

 ** _Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8._**

 **Thanks for reading. Leave a review/criticism if you have the time. God bless :)**


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